Warp Speed Talking!

Had coffee with a friend today.  We had not been together for a long time.  We sat for 3 hours and it seemed like 30 minutes.  Like it is with heart to heart friends, we jumped in right to the core of things that matter. 

I bet others in the coffee shop thought we were on drugs, we chatted rapid fire without pause.  We didn’t solve any of the world’s problems but I felt so good afterward.  It was therapy.  Someone to open up to, someone to care, someone to laugh, and someone to really hear me, ahhh loved it. 

I can’t put all my expectations and need for deep communication on my husband; it is not fair to him.  Because I can be a bottomless pit when it comes to needing to be heard.  That’s why my relationships with my women friends are so valuable, they provide me with a safe place to talk, process, and sometimes, yes I’ll say it…. Bitch.  So bring on more coffee dates with the girlfriends.  I recommend you give it a try.

I Love Old Men

Men over 80, that’s who I like hanging out with.  I love how they mutter, clear their throats, I love the banded waist of their shirts and jackets.  I love their worn hands, ears, noses.  I really love how they let me tease them and they tease back.  Some of my favorite old men, Doc Rock who calls me beautiful and young, my grandpa Peck who pats me and says, “honey… it’ll be alright,” and Don Kiefer who yells out, “hey baby!” as I walk by his house. What’s not to love, right? 

They have found joy in simple things and they have to tell others about it, sometimes over and over…

(“Say, did you see that they’re building a new road…. It’s really somethin’ why, those workers…just amazing…”) 

I have found older men have a wonderful way of putting things in perspective.  They have lived long enough to see a whole lot of life. They know first hand most things work themselves out; no reason to get all uptight about it.  It’s a lesson I need to learn and re-learn. 

So here’s to the old duffers, codgers, wise guys, love, love, love you old men!

So Funny!

I love to laugh.  This week I was talking with a colleague, he had been a catholic priest and we began to trade church stories.  He talked of an old priest accidentally dropping the “Body of Christ” in the cleavage of a woman wearing a low cut dress.  I shared the wondrous memory of my dad, while preaching, combining the phrases, fire fighters and fire starters only for it to come out “fire farters!”  

On and on we went; my co-worker and I, laughing louder and longer with each new story.  It felt wonderful; it was the best free therapy I had had in a long time. 

Laughter is very important sign of a healthy relationship.  It’s right up there with good sex. “Laughter establishes and restores a positive emotional climate and a sense of connection between two people, who literally take pleasure in the company of each other.” Hara Estroff Marano   I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

How you doin’ laughing with your spouse, kids, friends?  Make it a goal for the weekend.

Roots

Beautiful day went for a walk/run with the dog.  During the walk we took a break on our island (small piece of property near our cottage) for the dog to go off leash and run.  On the island there was the grand oak tree with the gnarly exposed roots running across the ground. Very cool except I didn’t see them in time to step over them.  Rather, I tripped on them. It must have been quite the sight as I tried to regain my balance.  Glad I was alone.

Roots anchor us. They provide an avenue for necessary nurture and sustenance. In a fast paced world we need the stability, constancy and permanence of the roots of long term family, community, and spiritual practice. I believe it is good for society in general. 

But roots can trip us up.  We can be “rooted” in things that need to be pulled out, brought to the surface, dug out and burned in the fire pit.  When we are rooted in tradition more than treasure, in obligation more than opportunity or discontentment more than delight, we are not rooted….we are STUCK.  Work hard to get unstuck; you will be glad you did.

Big Girl Panties

I am much more a natural encourager than a natural confronter.  It is very easy for me to sincerely cheer on, encourage, and support a person. (even a bad person) When confronting is what is needed, I am a big fat chicken.  Denial is my best friend; I will work hard to see ALL the good in others just so I don’t have to deal with the bad.  Conflict and confrontation make me want to throw up.
                                           
Obviously steering clear of all conflict and confrontation is not healthy and will not lead to successful relationships.  There are days we all have to put on our big girl or big boy panties, suck it up and do the right thing even when it means having a difficult conversation. 

The benefits to our bravery can be huge.  We can have honest dialogue, air our concerns and feelings and start looking towards solutions.  Of course it depends a great deal on HOW we do it.  When it comes to confrontation and conflict it’s all about respect, kindness and timing.

I Got Nothin'

I am committed to writing this blog.  But honestly, I got nothin’.  I have started several paragraphs on a range of topics and none of them go anywhere.  I read them over and think, well that’s just dumb.  So I end up deleting and staring at the blank screen. 

Sometimes I feel that way in my relationships too.  Days when I know I should put forth the effort to try, to give, to love, (or maybe even do the dishes).  Some days I got nothin’.  I feel absolutely no umph, for whatever reason I am empty and don’t feel motivated toward others not my husband, family or friends.  When these occasions arise, (thankfully not too often) it’s usually a message to me that I need to re-fill my tank.   

We have to have something in order to give something.  Humans don’t do well running on empty for too long.  If you got nothin’ today take action and do something that puts gas in your tank.  Call a friend, eat a cheeseburger, take a walk, watch a stupid movie and laugh, whatever refuels you emotionally, spiritually, physically.  Do something that leaves you feeling a bit more alive, rejuvenated, and refreshed.  Then get up and go do the dishes.

Deal With It!

It seems everyone is battling record high pollen counts resulting in a lot of allergy sufferers, including me.  As a result, I am a mess!  My eyes are red, itchy, my nose runs constantly, I feel tired all the time…yeah, I’m lookin’ really good about now!  I hate it!  Because I cannot escape it I am forced to deal with it.  It nags at me 24/7.  

There is no way to avoid the pollen from the blooming plants around us.  It floats through the air, seeps through windows, doors, there is no escape.   This means numerous trips to the drug store.  I stopped today even though it meant I might be late for work.  I pull out my driver’s license so that I can buy the “hard” stuff from behind the counter.  One tablet isn’t enough, so I am experimenting with doubling my efforts.  In the mean time I continue to explain, “no I haven not been crying, or smoking pot, my eyes are just red from allergies.”

Just think if our relationship problems were like pollen in the air. What if they showed up everywhere? What if we felt the negative or harmful effects constantly, like burning itchy eyes that couldn't be ignored?  It might not be a bad thing.  In order to eliminate our suffering we would have to take action and deal with our problems. 

I call this the blessing of discomfort.  Discomfort is a catalyst to action.  Simply put, when something bothers us enough, we finally do something about it.  Denial is set aside; we pursue solutions until we find the resource that works to ease the suffering.  The key here is look for the resource that will truly help and be good for us in the long run too, no shortcuts.