Modern Solutions for Age Old Problems

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Tolerance for Discomfort

Just came home from the funeral of a man who had been married to his wife for 63 years.  He died suddenly at the age of 83.   

He was a great guy loved by many but certainly not perfect, no one is.  As I listened to his wife talk about their marriage over the years it was apparent she had wonderful memories of sharing life with him.  But she also was honest about there being times of struggle.  Issues came up over the years because they were both imperfect and not always able to meet the others’ needs. 

I was impressed by how they had learned to accept and tolerate each others weaknesses.  They figured out a way to tolerate the discomfort stemming from the imperfections and oddities of the other person. 

Many of us are not that good at tolerating discomfort.  When we feel disappointed in our spouse, unhappy, and frustrated with our choice in a mate, we start looking for an escape…. Cause it doesn’t feel good to be uncomfortable. Oh yeah... I've been there.

My advice: get comfortable with being emotionally uncomfortable. (It is a mark of maturity to delay gratification and maintain impulse control)  Learn to hang in there until your dissatisfaction and discomfort passes.  Direct your focus to what you spouse does well rather than where he or she screws up.

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